state of the Jess address.
On January 15, 2014 I left everything I have ever known for a land of complete uncertainty. I have now been living in New Zealand for exactly a year and, boy, has it been a crazy one.
Though I am far from family and friends, in a lot of ways Wellington is more like home than Pittsburgh ever was. It's only been a year, but I feel more welcome here in a lot of ways. Walking down the street or riding the bus it isn't uncommon to run into a familiar face. Which is actually terrible in the grocery store because I am still one of those people who actively avoids a friend in store in order to avoid the dreaded "oh, hello again" that is sure to happen two aisles over.
As a person I have grown further then I ever thought possible and realised many of my dreams. This year has been marked, not just by baby steps, but by running leaps. My entire life I have suffered from anxiety towards situations in which I feel I cannot escape, which at it's very worst made it difficult for me to participate in social events, ride the bus, and even teach. It was so bad that for two years I would be sick the first morning of class, which considering classes were weekly, happened quite often. Things had been improving steadily since 2011, but this year was a huge breakthrough. I honestly don't even think I would have been able to get on the plane to New Zealand just two years ago since being on a tiny plane for 12 hours is the ultimate feeling of being trapped.
I owe a lot of this growth to Seth. Being with someone who understands all the nuances of my brain and accepts me exactly as I am makes a huge difference. I have had people in the past understand the anxiety bit, but not accept the rest of the weirdness that is Jess. However, Seth is always supportive of me, even when I am not supportive of myself. He builds me up in a very positive way and celebrates all of my quirks. I literally could have not gone on this journey with anyone else, mainly because I would have straight up murdered any other person before we even got on the plane to New Zealand. Seriously, the visa application process is not for the faint of heart.
In addition to surrounding myself with the right people, much of my anxiety has been belayed by simply being honest about it. I don't go around with a banner saying "social situations make me sick", but if I think it might be an issue for me that adds to my anxiety (ie: people asking me why I'm not eating at a meal), I simply tell them that
This year I was even able to jump headfirst into the creative community of a country where I was completely unknown. I picked up multiple freelance jobs, even choosing to resign from a few when I felt it wasn't a good fit. At my first major meeting I found myself hearkening back on exactly a year prior when I was nervous to meet with someone in Pittsburgh that I already knew, and here I was in a strange country fairly confidently meeting with two members of City Council!
I spread my professional net far and wide when I made my mark on New Zealand with the planning and execution of Maker Party Wellington. The success of the event allowed me to establish myself in Wellington and abroad, resulting in an invitation from Mozilla to attend their annual festival in London. This meant not only flying to London (a 30 hour flight) entirely alone, but attending a conference (where there were people), and doing touristy things in my spare time in a strange country, alone, before getting on another 30 hour flight to return back to New Zealand.
A lot of times friends make comments about how I am so lucky to be here, but what I think people often forget is that life still goes on, just in another location. This has never been a vacation and at some points it has been absolutely terrifying and frustrating. I mean, we moved here not knowing anyone, with me holding a visa that prevented me from working a regular job, and not even having a place to live. Then we spent a whole week without any money while we were waiting for Seth's first paycheck. Just three days after arriving in Wellington Seth started work with 50 hour work-weeks, leaving me alone in a house devoid of both companionship and furniture. I didn't even have access to Netflix! It was incredibly difficult, just because I don't talk about it doesn't mean it wasn't.
I've read a great deal of articles from other trailing spouses, some of which moved to New Zealand as well, and have even had the opportunity to interact with some face-to-face. Not everyone and not every relationship survives the transition unscathed. I'm not always positive, but I am always trying to move forward even when doing so scares the crap out of me. I am largely looking forward to this second year in Aotearoa and am happy to be confidently planning for the future without the worry of "what if my visa isn't renewed?".
Perhaps my biggest fear for this upcoming year is that I won't live up to people's expectations of me, but one of my biggest goals is to set up a network of like-minded individuals that can pick up the pieces and continue moving forward even if one of us fails. I hope that this will become Hive Wellington, but even if it does not I believe it will be of huge benefit to the city. Another is to focus on doing more work within the community. I feel I have grown the Wellington Makerspace in a healthy way, but I would like to do more. This is another place where surrounding myself with other passionate people will be incredibly useful since it is simply impossible to do everything on my own. My final goal for this upcoming year is more personal in nature as I absolutely must learn to spend more time on myself and my family.
My largest regret of this past year was that I didn't take time out from my workaholic ways to really learn about who Jess is without a job. I didn't get paid for most of it, but I dove so deep into volunteering that it really became a full-time job sometimes more demanding than Seth's 50 hour work week. This bad habit of mine cannot continue. I will still work hard, but I need to work wise as well. Giving myself time off to develop new skills and talents as well as nurture my relationships will be a huge part of making me a happier person in 2015.
A common movie trope is that characters move to a new place and completely reinvent themselves. Real life isn't quite like that, at the end of the day no matter where you live, you're still you with all of your weirdness and fears, all of your awkwardness, but also your hopes and dreams. Moving abroad can't change that, but it can allow you to loosen your inhibitions so you can become the best version of you that you can be.
And hey, if the best version of you just happens to enjoy wearing leather pants and performing a big finale at your school carnival, who am I to say you can't?
Though I am far from family and friends, in a lot of ways Wellington is more like home than Pittsburgh ever was. It's only been a year, but I feel more welcome here in a lot of ways. Walking down the street or riding the bus it isn't uncommon to run into a familiar face. Which is actually terrible in the grocery store because I am still one of those people who actively avoids a friend in store in order to avoid the dreaded "oh, hello again" that is sure to happen two aisles over.
As a person I have grown further then I ever thought possible and realised many of my dreams. This year has been marked, not just by baby steps, but by running leaps. My entire life I have suffered from anxiety towards situations in which I feel I cannot escape, which at it's very worst made it difficult for me to participate in social events, ride the bus, and even teach. It was so bad that for two years I would be sick the first morning of class, which considering classes were weekly, happened quite often. Things had been improving steadily since 2011, but this year was a huge breakthrough. I honestly don't even think I would have been able to get on the plane to New Zealand just two years ago since being on a tiny plane for 12 hours is the ultimate feeling of being trapped.
I owe a lot of this growth to Seth. Being with someone who understands all the nuances of my brain and accepts me exactly as I am makes a huge difference. I have had people in the past understand the anxiety bit, but not accept the rest of the weirdness that is Jess. However, Seth is always supportive of me, even when I am not supportive of myself. He builds me up in a very positive way and celebrates all of my quirks. I literally could have not gone on this journey with anyone else, mainly because I would have straight up murdered any other person before we even got on the plane to New Zealand. Seriously, the visa application process is not for the faint of heart.
In addition to surrounding myself with the right people, much of my anxiety has been belayed by simply being honest about it. I don't go around with a banner saying "social situations make me sick", but if I think it might be an issue for me that adds to my anxiety (ie: people asking me why I'm not eating at a meal), I simply tell them that
I know it's silly, but sometimes I feel sick in social situations when I might be a bit nervous. I know it doesn't make sense, it's just a weird thing that my brain does.I have found this little disclaimer to be very helpful as it takes off the added pressure of hiding my anxiety from others. This year I have been able to enjoy meals with friends multiple times without incident and didn't truly realise how remarkable it was until recently when Seth and I were discussing how social we had been since the move.
This year I was even able to jump headfirst into the creative community of a country where I was completely unknown. I picked up multiple freelance jobs, even choosing to resign from a few when I felt it wasn't a good fit. At my first major meeting I found myself hearkening back on exactly a year prior when I was nervous to meet with someone in Pittsburgh that I already knew, and here I was in a strange country fairly confidently meeting with two members of City Council!
I spread my professional net far and wide when I made my mark on New Zealand with the planning and execution of Maker Party Wellington. The success of the event allowed me to establish myself in Wellington and abroad, resulting in an invitation from Mozilla to attend their annual festival in London. This meant not only flying to London (a 30 hour flight) entirely alone, but attending a conference (where there were people), and doing touristy things in my spare time in a strange country, alone, before getting on another 30 hour flight to return back to New Zealand.
A lot of times friends make comments about how I am so lucky to be here, but what I think people often forget is that life still goes on, just in another location. This has never been a vacation and at some points it has been absolutely terrifying and frustrating. I mean, we moved here not knowing anyone, with me holding a visa that prevented me from working a regular job, and not even having a place to live. Then we spent a whole week without any money while we were waiting for Seth's first paycheck. Just three days after arriving in Wellington Seth started work with 50 hour work-weeks, leaving me alone in a house devoid of both companionship and furniture. I didn't even have access to Netflix! It was incredibly difficult, just because I don't talk about it doesn't mean it wasn't.
I've read a great deal of articles from other trailing spouses, some of which moved to New Zealand as well, and have even had the opportunity to interact with some face-to-face. Not everyone and not every relationship survives the transition unscathed. I'm not always positive, but I am always trying to move forward even when doing so scares the crap out of me. I am largely looking forward to this second year in Aotearoa and am happy to be confidently planning for the future without the worry of "what if my visa isn't renewed?".
Perhaps my biggest fear for this upcoming year is that I won't live up to people's expectations of me, but one of my biggest goals is to set up a network of like-minded individuals that can pick up the pieces and continue moving forward even if one of us fails. I hope that this will become Hive Wellington, but even if it does not I believe it will be of huge benefit to the city. Another is to focus on doing more work within the community. I feel I have grown the Wellington Makerspace in a healthy way, but I would like to do more. This is another place where surrounding myself with other passionate people will be incredibly useful since it is simply impossible to do everything on my own. My final goal for this upcoming year is more personal in nature as I absolutely must learn to spend more time on myself and my family.
My largest regret of this past year was that I didn't take time out from my workaholic ways to really learn about who Jess is without a job. I didn't get paid for most of it, but I dove so deep into volunteering that it really became a full-time job sometimes more demanding than Seth's 50 hour work week. This bad habit of mine cannot continue. I will still work hard, but I need to work wise as well. Giving myself time off to develop new skills and talents as well as nurture my relationships will be a huge part of making me a happier person in 2015.
A common movie trope is that characters move to a new place and completely reinvent themselves. Real life isn't quite like that, at the end of the day no matter where you live, you're still you with all of your weirdness and fears, all of your awkwardness, but also your hopes and dreams. Moving abroad can't change that, but it can allow you to loosen your inhibitions so you can become the best version of you that you can be.
And hey, if the best version of you just happens to enjoy wearing leather pants and performing a big finale at your school carnival, who am I to say you can't?
